Dating someone who needs constant reassurance reddit. You can also feel as though they don’t believe you.

Dating someone who needs constant reassurance reddit I would end it. His confidence is shot and will be like this for a while until he growsif he grows. You're talking about someone who will wear wigs, make up, and high heels to appear attractive. My parents never praised me much and even today are very reluctant to say anything approving of me unless and until i worm it out of them. It doesn’t change how we feel about them. He needs a lot of reassurance that I like him/am attracted to him and asks for some form of it every time we are together. so sending hugs with consent to you, OP. I’ve been getting better at it by asking him less, but it’s been causing me to stay up at night with anxiety. codependency is where someone is so giving that they neglect their own needs and build resentment by not being able to set the proper I was making him absolutely crazy with my constant need of compliments and my daily angry venting This. I have a friend who needs constant reassurance from me that I still like her, don’t hate her, etc. A lot of online dating advice is that you should sleep together on the third date at like the latest. This is such a new experience for me. It was really toxic. These tend to be the types who expect a reply within 30 seconds of sending a text or, God forbid, you miss a phone call, you're suddenly being accused of all sorts of nefarious deeds. You can also feel as though they don’t believe you. I mention this because now she likes to bring up how now i “changed” and how im always stressed when it comes to reassuring her. Some relationships need burning to the ground because they simply aren’t meeting your needs. Like I said this does require someone to be in touch with their own sexuality. But someone who needs constant reassurance about things is just exhausting to be with Reply Hi there! I struggle with the same thing and for me it stems from attachment issues. Is anyone familiar with dating someone that needs a lot of reassurance? In the earlier months I made sure to be empathetic and patient when asked if For those people who have cheated on their SO/have been cheated on before/is currently being cheated on, please define CONSTANT REASSURANCE. Maybe you are ok with one day of quality time a week but your partner needs more - the differing needs are ok but the problem comes in when you’re dating someone who doesn’t match them and then you try to badger/ control them into giving you more. But really you both need to stop mopping & fix the freakin leaky faucet. If it is requested I can offer insight and tools to help you through emotional times. Personally I've had some really bad relationships. You have to think of it like the more reassurance you give him the more he will seek it out. In your case where you did think about the thing, it opens up the conversation to start picking apart your values and interests in the dilemma. A relationship should be about two people getting to know each other, learning about each other and learning how well you fit together and whether you work well together in the long run and building something together, or determining that they aren't the Someone whom they *DO* want to fuck, but don't want a relationship with. I would always need to hear stories, feedback, compliments, and endearments from my partner. In order to prevent the need for reassurance from harming your relationship, you first need to identify what is causing this need. Just because people have a mental health struggle, or are neurodivergent and/or disabled, doesn't mean they aren't worthy of love. How can I stop the need for constant reassurance? This has ruined so many of my potential relationships but i cannot help it. This has come up a lot. I've dated mostly avoidant men over the last couple of years and it is difficult because the communication and emotional connection aren't at levels that suit me. I want to feel like our relationship is solid and the person isn’t just going to bolt at the first sign of distress. Sometimes, I don’t respond to texts in a while and I don’t mean any harm in it as I’m not someone who needs constant communication like with friends. Now this does not mean a message as soon as the next bathroom trip occurs. Without giving in to the constant need for validation/reassurance is there a way to curb this? How do you get someone to trust that you're not interested in abandoning them? As someone with OCD who’s been in therapy for a while the reassurance you are giving him actually makes it worse. If you express your needs and she can’t meet them, that’s enough for you to leave and find someone who can. I tried to tell him that I need space, and have absolutely no inclination to see my boyfriend every single day, but to him it means I’m running away. no one needs this neediness in their lives My partner has both anxiety disorder and ADHD based RSD and I very much do enjoy having them in my life, no matter if they need a lot more reassurance than others. I just ended a relationship over this. When we learn a different love language it is like learning a foreign language--you have to watch someone else do it, you have to be reminded to speak, you have to practice, and you need someone to encourage you when you do it right and kindly point out when you said something incorrectly. It's definitely not something everyone is capable of, and it's often a learned skill. and when a bad wave of anxiety hits her, be as understanding and empathetic as possible, even if she gets upset kinda often. Most of us need introspection to begin with. This isn't true. It’s really important to read about reassurance, let him know that this subreddit exists. In constant need of reassurance and attention to feel worthy. Seeking validation isn’t a bad thing. I mean it’s hard for a “normal” person but with BPD it’s A LOT. If someone says they like me, I should assume they do without placing preconceptions on them. —i start to go crazy and Here's an analogy - she's got a running faucet that needs to be fixed & her solution is to have you get a bucket every few hours to mop up the water. 10 Ways to Deal with Someone Who Needs Constant Reassurance 1. And I’ve been this person before (though never to this extent) so I have genuine empathy and understanding about it. Take a look at yourselves. If what I do isn’t enough then the relationship isn’t going to work out. They still think I’m pretty. Due to my impulsive nature I tend to be a pretty exploratory lover and am open to pleasing someone in whatever ways they like. I don't want to spend my life constantly reassuring someone when I'm struggling with my own sense of self in the relationship. Simply continuing to give him constant attention and reassurance is just going to enable him and prevent him from I see dating as such a big change because you’re letting someone into your life, and they will be there a lot more than the average person. But of course that's just me. For me and a lot of people with BPD, constant reassurance is what they need and it can be overwhelming or difficult for others to give that reassurance when it’s not their love language. I constantly imagine her finding someone that makes her feel good in the moment and cheat on me with. Yep, this. My reasoning for this is because when she asks for reassurance, i end up talking to a wall basically. He's more of the type to be touchy, and someone who likes spending quality time with me. Furthermore, if the person is non-autistic, they might see our condition or the things that make us US as being “fixable quirks” or something. We've been dating for 4. so whatever it is that he does or doesn't do, that seem to trigger a need for more assurance in you, Whiplash from dating someone who actually puts in effort - 23F and 26M It's usually about if I REALLY like her. that doesn't mean it's wrong, but it is worth looking at. He asks me usually once a day or every 2 days: “ Do you still love me?” “Please never leave If you love your partner, try to encourage them to seek therapy or talk to a doctor about medication for anxiety or even ocd (common for many ppl who find themselves needing I’m someone who needs a decent amount of reassurance but even this is a bit much. i hope you I (31f) have been dating someone (36m) for about 2 months. Log In If you're after friendship advice or feeling lonely and need someone to chat to this is the Friends that need constant reassurance? advice I'm looking for some advice about a friend I have that can be quite overbearing at times I know it FEELS like the answer is more specific praise/reassurance from him, but it’s not. People can react to our actions/decisions according to their fickle emotional state at the moment we share them. It's called being able to self-soothe. I have a very attentive bf now who texts me every day, expresses his feelings freely, shows affection, but understands that I have kids and a job and have to devote time and energy there as well and never makes me feel bad for that. It's so hard to explain to someone that you just need reassurance that everything is okay. I have explained this to him and the reasoning and he says he needs to know when I'll get over it and that I take a long time to get over things. I used to ask my husband when were dating how much he loved me as a joke. And he is the healthiest person I’ve ever been with. Clingy to me is someone who needs constant validation, not someone who expresses their feelings and appreciation regularly. I’m also emotionally driven but my logic is intact. My concern with situations like this is that instead of connecting as two partners, you're just serving as his security blanket. My immediate reaction is to usually reassure, but as someone with OCD I can see a lot of myself reflected in these behaviors, and I know at least for me receiving reassurance feeds a perpetuating cycle. It sounds like you need emotional intimacy and you are dating someone who needs a lot of space from you, and I’m sure you feel crazy because of that. Constant reassurance and anxiety – what’s the link? When we dig a little deeper, we usually find that this need for constant reassurance is driven by anxiety. Things like that. People with OCD check or do rituals bc we are trying to calm the anxiety we have. Someone who needs constant reassurance, a chronic apologizer, someone who doesn't need "me time" or decompression from people/work in general, and wants me to be their sole emotional support. give her constant reassurance. If your feelings are validated and you still look for reassurance, then there's some DBT skills like check-the-facts you could use. People with abandonment issues will need constant reassurance that you love them, that they’ve done nothing wrong, and that you aren’t going to leave them. The key thing seemed to be that she was thinking about me at those times and wanted reassurance that I was thinking about her as well. I always want a next date planned to confirm that that person isn't just going to disappear. We’ve been dating for nearly 2 years and I always feel insecure like I’m not good enough or I don’t make him as happy as someone else could or I’m not attractive enough. This stems from trauma, I know. But change and healing is possible. Sometimes it's because they're thinking about the thing. They love me. Am I wrong in thinking my partners constant need for reassurance is not codependency. I feel like someone going through something like that needs a lot of support and I was going through my healing period post-divorce. My most recent ex was “avoidant”, and I feel through the course of our relationship she definitely FELT like I was overly in need of reassurance but I lay the blame on her (edit: specifically, in my When I say I want someone who’s confident I mean I want someone who knows what they have to bring to the table and doesn’t need constant reassurance. I was patient with her, but the constant reassurance, the constant assumptions that I didn't like her or something she did was very draining, and to be frank, annoying. However, there comes a point when dating Needing constant reassurance from your partner may occur due to reasons, such as low self-esteem or anxiety disorders. Because he'll never be able to give you constant reassurance and no one will. TL;DR: Raised by Nparent. Low self esteem manifests when I'm comfortable with being vulnerable with someone. You understand that it's irrational the way you're thinking and you're working with a therapist so there's hope. it's not a criticism, but highly suggestive advice. 7 Reasons You Need Constant Reassurance in a Relationship. Here's why it happens and what to do about it. Told me. when we have I’ve been thinking for a while that I feel like I (F18) constantly need reassurance from my boyfriend (M20). You need to back off a little, text her and reply to her texts, but don't ask for constant contact or validation. It is exhausting having to manage someone else’s feelings. I realized recently that the main reason for anxiety, depression and everything else that's terrible in my life is my constant need for validation from others and constant need for reassurance. Dating them leads to uncertainty about the connection, sadness about my needs not being met, and feelings of inadequacy because they don't express how I can be a better partner to them. I require validation, but I don’t need CONSTANT reassurance and approval. I once made her cry because I said she had all the intelligence and mental skills to be good at maths and it seemed like the Dating Someone with PTSD . That's what i would do and I'm secure. Start by honoring yourself more, treat yourself with the same level of respect you would treat a dear one. You need to make him understand that what you need when you cry a lot is not for him to make the tears stop but to accompany you in the process. The thing is, OP, you can't know unless you talk about it with them. She has some deep-rooted anxiety from her childhood, a previous relationship, and I also think a bit from her genetics. If this sounds like you, here are 7 possible reasons why you might need more reassurance and how to manage it: 1. It's hard but, over time it usually calms down. If they call you clingy, they have no intention of ever fulfilling those needs. Neediness, attention-seeking behavior, a constant preoccupation with material wants, and codependency are huge turn-offs for me. If you need constant reassurance, tell your partner. Luckily I found a boyfriend who understands that. It is so clearly ridiculous and it's hard for my poor boyfriend. Someone else might feel anxious in my place. If my boyfriend sits quietly next to me, I assume something is wrong and get into an anxious state. You feel as though you’re carrying an additional emotional burden. When I notice someone needs constant contact/reassurance I back out because I know we're not going to be compatible. Empathy is an essential tool when dealing with someone who constantly seeks reassurance. We all need reassurance and validation in our relationships, but for some people it can be hard to feel secure in their relationship without constant reinforcement. I usually have to date someone for over 6 months before I text/want to receive texts about anything other than the next time/place we are seeing each other. I could tell from the jump he was a little insecure, but now I am starting to worry that his self-esteem is too low for a healthy relationship to be viable. Maybe you need to tell her more often how beautiful you think she is - inside and out. Yes, it takes two people but if you do not explicitly communicate your needs and wants, you will be your own worst enemy. Lacking confidence in your cooking ability is completely fine. And Posted by u/[Deleted Account] - 2 votes and 4 comments If someone thinks that most of a relationship should be devoted only to meeting their needs and addressing their problems, then they aren't ready for an adult relationship. I think I am a good sexual partner to someone who is open. Realise that there is nothing wrong with you for needing reassurance - you don’t need to stop or to beat yourself up for feeling it. I feel like communication, emotion check ins, and random reassurance has helped my partner. Of course her anxiety is her problem. A small but significant chunk of most of my workdays is now consumed with handling Jill. She needs to find new coping skills that SHE manages. I had this unfortunate misunderstanding that the way to find out if someone loves you is to make them fight for you, based on my previous relationships. I was dating a man once and one of my best friends suddenly passed away at the age of 37. View community ranking In the Top 10% of largest communities on Reddit. Posted in r/AskMen by u/Ok_Rule23 • 83 points and 126 comments I mean, Of course life throws “ meteors” at us at times. Overall, if he's someone you don't see a future with, I would cut him loose, explain to him why, and move on. You also don’t need to pester someone else for it. They don’t need constant reassurance via text and long conversations each night. You’re clearly in a pursuer-distancer dynamic. and said your eyes and I wouldn't say I've been dating for a position where she told me to buy a new one asap mentality too much? I 21f feel the need for constant reassurance with my bf 24m. People need reassurance. As I said in another response, when things move from dating to being in a committed relationship then you check in everyday and become more and more a part of each other’s lives. 4. I've spent a great deal of my time giving her constant reassurance that everything is okay in our relationship and in other areas. Or socially, expects you to be a 'cool guy', trying to change the way you dress, behave, your circle of friends, your pictures online. i brought this to adulthood and now i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place: what you're feeling about your friends and what you did in your romantic relationships, i feel the same and have done the same way. Throughout the time we’ve been together, he has had issues with needing constant reassurance. It’s very hard for me to date anyone that needs constant contact and reassurance. Currently dealing with a partner who needs constant reassurance and am close to ending things. I don't think low self-esteem was the only issue contributing to this, but not only was she constantly in need of reassurance (which got tiring), but she was also extremely volatile and was capable of interpreting practically anything as an attack on her. They are full of insecurity, self-doubt, and fear. If you have a lot of issues that you are dealing with and feel like you need to bottle everything up and put on a “front” then you should really talk to someone professionally. Personal Past Relationship Trauma His primary expectation was constant reassurance and always staying together, regardless of the circumstances. Maybe then she won't feel the need to ask you how you feel. Especially if we’re with the people we trust. He and I had a 2 week fling back when I was 19. And people with certain insecurities need and require constant comforting and reassurance. Date someone like that? Some people need constant reassurance. I have anxious attachment and fear that people will leave, so I cling to them and seek constant reassurance that they still care about me. When you’re seeing someone you really like, it’s natural to want them to know how much you care about them and love having them in your life. Not discussions on the state of dating I'm of the opinion that you need to be able to work through compartmentalising on your own, rather than relying on the constant reassurance from someone else. I have no problem being there for my partner, but the constant need for reassurance is becoming overwhelming. But mentioning the need for "reassurance" sounds like she can't curb it, as also evident by the second question. Yes, he needs to learn how to resist the urge to pursue you a bit but you also need to learn how to resist the urge to distance yourself a bit. We can go almost all day without talking and just check in to make sure the other is safe and had a good day. I dated an AP once. Hi there! I am a partner with someone who has OCD and reading your post was like writing it myself!! PM me anytime! I’ve been with my boyfriend for little over a year as well. As someone who dated a person that is anxious-preoccupied, please COMMUNICATE. your communication needs are high and his are not. Besides, I do understand that it is hard dating someone who will possibly become distant towards you. Also, the longer you are with someone - the less you need that reassurance too. You are curing the anxiety. I personally need a lot of reassurance, I have been cheated on in every relationship I’ve ever had so (go me) but my current partner I trust completely (through a lot of work) but yeah, I think everyone needs some form of reassurance wether its verbal or physical, just holding their hand or putting your hand on their back can do it to let Hello, everyone. It’s great you communicated this. That maybe I am in the wrong for telling her that I should not have to reassure her about so many things. But I can’t ask for reassurance DURING that time; because if I’m lucky, I just won’t get any response. If someone needs to have serious emotional talks or “work things out” in the first 6-12 months I just feel smothered and take it as a sign that we aren’t compatible. OP needs fo remember that while marriage may be the ultimate goal of the relationship, marriage isn't a stand alone thing; its based on an entire relationship between two people, and that can only be cultivated while dating someone. i posted on here the other day as well about needing reassurance when you become involved with someone new, as i have. Everyone asks questions for different reasons. I guess you need to mentally draw the line between needing reassurance and seeking it. Many people have a little bit of anxiety which is fine. Compassion and patience can go a long way. When someone is dating someone anxious, it takes constant reassurance. Emotional closeness can make you stronger as a person. All that to say, I (pwBPD) I am in a LDR with my partner currently. Expand user menu Open settings menu. His dad is like this with his mom and they’ve been together for 25 years :) So I'm curious, do I need to completely move beyond this before dating anyone and not need that reassurance or comfort anymore, or are there people out there who would be willing to date someone struggling with insecurity if they knew the person was actively working on improving and becoming more confident and more secure? Excessive reassurance-seeking, however, occurs when you need constant validation, support, or confirmation from your partner even in situations where there’s no rational cause for anxiety or doubt. Not all will be that way and although she’s pulled away it doesn’t sound like she’s being mean to you or even telling you she’s unsure. These are not selfish people, they are often traumatized. However, if it's the second one, sure, you could just stop asking for reassurance altogether, but I would guess that your need for it wouldn't go away. By trying to understand and share their feelings, you validate their emotions and make them feel heard. Log In / Sign Up; Advertise on Reddit; Shop Collectible Avatars; Dating someone who needs constant reassurance and validation is exhausting. Sure, she was hot as hell, but her constant need for reassurance and overwhelming negativity made things unbearable. I’m someone who needs a decent amount of reassurance but even this is a bit much. Over the years due to different negative experiences that have impacted them they’ve become very sensitive to a lot of things and need a lot of reassurance. If the person cant handle having to give a little reassurance they do not love you the way you need. He’s never stopped treating me this well and he never loved bombed me. Whilst reassurance may relieve our anxiety in the moment, it’s likely to make it worse longer term. If you're dating someone who does that, they're fucked up. When she is away from me, she can get into her head a lot about the most trivial things. A persons actions are I don’t need constant reassurance, I can assure you. Regardless, if someone isn't meeting your communication needs it doesn't matter if they are actually busy or simply just not responding. This constantly happens. She accused me of trying to set something up with a female co-worker (who I’ve never met in person)because I was talking to her about work related stuff over my office phone (gf was on cell speaker phone when call came into my desk). This is the worst part of me dating. I'm dating someone avoidant and our definition of frequency and communication styles are different but because of that, I finally learned that in a relationship, there doesn't need to be constant contact and that level is not sustainable anyways. I don't know if I can call it that, we weren't fighting Dating someone who needs constant reassurance can be incredibly draining. I spent everyday reassuring my partner, or at least what I thought was undeniable reassurance, unknowingly missing the mark, because I was showing my love through the wrong medium. Remember that this is a sign of their insecurity and doesn’t reflect your behavior. He buys me gifts he’s sweet and reassures me when I ask. I had to end it Personally I'm attracted to signs of insecurity during the dating period, We're all human. Let some empty, simple person find them. She's quick to say she loves me, wants to progress much faster physically than I'm comfortable with, doesn't care about building a relationship with my friends or family. I just want someone to have my back, and have confidence in me. . I’m currently in a relationship with someone who is secure leaning anxious (same as me) and his love language is definitely physical and verbal, constant words of affirmations, reassurance, i had never been with someone so loving and tender and sweet, he tells me every single day how much he loves me and adores me, how fortunate he is for being with me, what he likes about me, he ISTJs are one of the most introverted types, along with INFPs and INTPs, so we often feel like it’s fine to go a few days without talking to someone we’re really close with. We (general) shouldn’t need constant reassurance from others, but in this day and age games in the dating field are all too common. And how she makes you feel. We talked about this earlier on. # About Ask and offer advice for specific dating situations. He told me that he's not really that type of person. Dating someone who is extremely insecure how can I help them and heal/fix them? - Expecting constant text messages all day all the time or they'll start getting sad and think i'm ignoring them - Extremely jealous - Hates men as she told me all the men in her life cheated on her, father is a cheater, ex's abused her etc You need to ride this one out. He likely had a damaged childhood. When the root cause is clear, the solution should be too. You're not in a serious dating stage at this moments so take things a little easier. When I notice myself craving constant verbal reassurance, As much as you communicate that you need. I always feel like I'm coming off as clingy or annoying. But we don’t mean harm we just need to recharge from everything Dwelling with the Se world. He'll say "I love you" and I will say "do you" And I shouldn't question that. If it’s worth addressing, just keep in mind that they may not even realize that it bothers you. Ijust honestly don’t have the energy to be around someone 24/7. Wouldn't last long at all. I am seeing someone on a regular thing and the plan was to not go. Similarly, if someone shows overt hostility to exes, it's a red flag to me about not taking ownership of their own life experience. anyways, i’ve also learned and observed that my bf is a VERY strong and intense avoidant attachment. I want to over come my constant need of reassurance and attention. The only way I know how to fill that hole is to get what you’re looking for from yourself. Wow you people suggesting that this person chill out. It just means you’re self-aware and know what you’re good and not good at If someone says something that she interprets as criticism of her or her work, she will defend herself vehemently and have a lot of trouble letting it go. I was afraid of losing any connection I could get because I wanted a relationship so much. I’ve done my work though (therapy for over 2 years) Posted in r/AskMen by u/Ok_Rule23 • 83 points and 126 comments I'm dating someone and it's fairly new (just a few months). That sounds pretty needy to me for the early stages of something. AND that doesn’t mean you need to stay. My boyfriend needs constant reassurance that I'm not going to leave him for someone else. Especially someone older than you For me a confident person is someone who does not need others to be happy (as opposed to someone who cannot exist/make decisions/find meaning in his life on his own) that is generally speaking an attractive trait, because he can give something to you without him or you losing something in the process. I understand this thought pattern because I’m like that too. This guy I was dating flipped out when my friend passed away. I knew that my cup wasn’t full enough and I needed to take care of myself first. She needs constant reassurance daily and I fear she's not ready for a serious relationship. We’ve been doing long distance for summer and something that comes up a lot is her constant need for reassurance and her “not trusting me “ (I’ll speak on that more). I'd known him since I was 19. If someone is so insecure that they require constant praise or reassurance, that is extremely grating for the person expected to provide it. I've never asked for reassurance like that but, I am grateful that my Current BF is reassuring often without me ever having to ask. He's always anxious we're going to break up and needs constant reassurance and affection. ” You cannot make someone be who you want OR need them to be - that’s one of the biggest mistakes people tend to make in dating and relationships. over the years i’ve realized that i am a VERY strong anxious attachment who needs constant reassurance and overthinks every little change in tone into thinking he hates me; it sucks i know. I’ve done my work though (therapy for over 2 years) and it’s the best this I could’ve done for myself. If someone refuses to talk about an ex, I'm more concerned than if they talk about them openly, because it could indicate that there's still some damage there, or that they still have feelings about them. this girl has stated to me on many occasions that she wants to see where we go ect, however in my brain that isn’t enough and it’s like i need constant reassurance and i don’t want to come accross as that desperate person who needs reassurance all the Believe it or not but women don't want to date someone who is like them. They need reassurance all the time, and you will often have to compliment their appearance, their behavior, and everything else. Every time I sense that something is off—they are texting slower, the texts are getting shorter, etc. This girl is without a doubt a wonderful, Thanks for taking the time to tell me important things I need to know as someone new to this. Encourage her to talk to someone like a psychologist or therapist. It can be worth it, but its a lot. This is coming from someone that has dealt with similar issues. Seeking it is the actual process of going to ask for that approval or decision to be made for you. I've known her for about 9 months. Someone who really likes *you* will never use the word clingy to describe your emotional needs. When he has episodes I completely shut down and can't be affectionate toward him for a few days. We had our first disagreement. I'm no counselor but it seems like you need to set some boundaries and stick to them. A LOT. My girlfriend has spent her whole life having her emotions and feelings invalidated so sometimes her communicating when she's not feeling good is hard. My(19M) girlfriend(19F) and I have been dating for about three months, it’s a new relationship but I love her with all my heart. She has 2 kids so me and my bf have been together for over 2. It might sound like it's not related to your situation, but trust me it is. Both sides need to be comfortable with each other. You should want to gradually open up to the person you are seeing about deeper stuff, but it shouldn’t be like holding everything back and then opening the flood gates lol. Rest assure there are men who don't appear too affectionate but still would love you the same. I just couldn’t be there for him. We remained best of friends for almost 20 years. No, there is no too busy to not spend 5 seconds replying to someone via text at some convenient point in the day. secure people don't need to be in constant contact to have that sense She questioned why I'm even with her and now I don't know. Before people come here and argue: "Oh, but that's different! I don't need anything from someone else. He was angry that I was hurt, crying. Log In if you need constant reassurance or engagement from your partner even when they are pissed at That doesn't mean they're supposed to be chased. people who are anxiously attached only feel as secure as their last interaction with their partner. I just want to go and take care of my own things without being disturbed or pressured!" I've been dating someone with BPD as well and its why I'm in the group too. Don't get me wrong a lot of these issues she has can be attributed to her past relationships and other trauma's, but to be with someone who has little to no self-worth is an extremely draining thing. And when this is the case, it can easily become part of a pattern. I'm a woman and if I saw a guy a couple times a week plus had to talk to him every single day, that would stress me out. Why do I need constant reassurance in a relationship . 4M subscribers in the dating_advice community. I’m 20, and he’s 21. I love him so much as well. Most of the time, if I don’t try to self soothe and meditate, my needs are overwhelming to even a secure person. You may just have different needs. i learned to anticipate everyone's moods because of this and did my best to cater to their needs at the expense of mine. if someone is NOT confident he is likely to drain your energy and I think this fear and its resultant need for control will be present even if you have an otherwise fulfilling life. Only that person can tell you what their needs are in dating. In any event good luck! There is nothing wrong with you, you know what your needs are, seek someone compatible with them. Can you imagine having to constantly console and reassure your partner and tell him how he’s “not small”, assuming he’s insecure about his size, which is common among some guys? Even if he is that puts you in the position to lie constantly. Of course they want someone who is sure of himself and doesn't need to fake attractiveness or confidence. I don’t want a partner who doesn’t believe in themselves and would need constant reassurance from me or need me to tell them The needs for "distance" and "space" are easy examples. Sometimes because they're not. I (F15) am in my first relationship (M15), we've been dating for a month now, but I've liked him for around 2 months, (we were best friends before). I (F28) have a friend who gets insecure and paranoid about people leaving her, and gets frosty when we haven't spoken in a few weeks even though we meet up all the time. i was long distance with my secure partner for about 7-8 months and we did phone calls every week or so and limited our texting because we both hated it. The person I’m dating is more like you, very laid back but shows me he cares through his actions. Anxious attached people, or people with trust issues will almost always end up feeling unfulfilled, I’ve found most success with people who are already living full lives- they’ll understand you better and you’ll be able to keep doing the awesome things you’re doing with less guilt or burden. The people that love you and understand you will never have a problem telling you "of course I love you, and you can always ask me if He's in a position where he will need constant reassurance and affirmation. If someone isn’t 100% sure about me at this point I won’t even waste my time for a second. From the way you describe yourself it seems to me like you are someone who is in touch with their emotions / When my girlfriend needed reassurance at the beginning of our relationship, she didnt ask as frequently. Just show attention and affection and that you are thinking of them several times a day. Some avoidant-leaning people can be really "needy" in that sense. She told you she was busy and not everyone is good at texting. when you’re newly seeing someone, is it normal to need constant reassurance or reminders that this person is interested in you? I know it’s such a turn off to need reassurance all the time and i’m finding myself feeling like this and i don’t want to scare Hi Reddit, I’m sure this (thus the constant need for reassurance bc you feel like you can never be sure). If it's any consolation, I don't imagine there are many women beating down the doors to get to someone as needy and insecure as your husband. It's a constantly cycle of playing the victim, not taking initiative or responsibility with their own In this article, we'll discuss common reasons for constant reassurance—whether it's because someone has an anxious attachment style or unresolved trust issues—and offer So I'm starting to realise that I can't cope in my current relationship without constant touching or reassurance that everything is ok. I need constant reassurance from them that we’re okay. Not the part of yourself that needs reassurance — the part of you that knows and wants what’s best for you, that has never been hurt, harmed or hindered. That's what the scheduled texts meant to her. The sad reality of dating for an INFJ Dating someone who needs constant reassurance can be draining. Or emotionally needs constant reassurance and emotional support, being aggressive and questioning your relationship if you are 'inconsiderate' by not reading in her mind every time or be perfect. In her past relationship, she went through a lot. Show Empathy. He can't need to constantly reassure me we're ok. So I can see how this might clash Get app Get the Reddit app Log In Log in to Reddit. But someone here once told me that’s dating with a “scarcity mindset”. If you think that, then that's fucked up. It can mean someone has OCD and is seeking reassurance as a compulsion. We are all responsible for how we feel. But I’m more so curious if he’s ghosting because he’s just not interested after all! I could give him space if he’s just busy, but I’m worried if I’ve been ghosted. Feels so nice cause my ex needed constant contact along with constant reassurance which got pretty exhausting. Verbal abuse, physical abuse, constant degrading and being told she was "false advertising". After she's back from her trip ask her out again on another date. If I’m unlucky, it leads to her saying her depression isn’t fair to me and that I need to go find someone I’m realizing now that some people show love in other ways. In the beginning of my relationship, what I thought was consistent communication was actually a need for constant communication and reassurance. So anxious people tend to seek reassurance and emotional regulation from external My point is, as long as you dont behave in a toxic way, your partner should be supportive about your insecurities, but in a way i think that it's really hard to love someone who doesnt love himself, so, in my young and stupid opinion, overcome your insecurities even if you need proffesional help, learn to love yourself and then try to date someone Same here. But why does it affect If someone lacks the capacity to be self-assured I can’t trust them to take initiative and the lead from time to time. More accurate translation: “Your constant need for reassurance has become exhausting. Needing reassurance is a hard-wired part of your psyche founded in insecurity and lack of confidence in yourself, or your skills in the situations you seek reassurance in. Security, I can’t handle wishy-washiness. Everyone has emotional needs from dating/sex. Do you ever feel the constant need for reassurance ? Or, if I need someone to play the devil's advocate. I understand that there will be times in the future where I need to be there for her BUT when she needs reassurance about so many small mundane things, I feel like I am putting my feelings aside and taking care of her rather than dating her. Extremely low self esteem masked by confidence and independence. She required constant attention and was massively jealous. This whole slow down and get to know each other thing is foreign, it's probably why dating hasn't worked for me so far because I need it to be slow. Some of us just aren't built that way, Visiting reddit I realized some women regard this cuddles and constant reassurance very high but for us men it feels fake to always have to remind someone that they love them. I’m not dating right now but I went from a 3 year relationship to casually dating for 2 years or so. But the constant need for reassurance is unattractive to most people because it shows a clear lack of trust for your partner. You are feeling crazy because she doesn’t give you the reassurance you need. I am someone who needs constant reassurance. What should I read or research? Apologize this is enough communication for a lot of people. We’ve been married for over a decade so we’ve got a better grip on this, but LDR is really hard. I dated someone with depression once and I just couldn’t be the rock. It’s important for all of us to feel loved and appreciated. over time, she’ll start to feel more secure as long as you remind her that you won’t abandon her, how much you love her, etc. That’s just not reasonable for any relationship. How to deal with someone who needs constant validation. But it’s also on you to realize you need to control your emotions if you want a healthy relationship. 5 years. I am not a good morning/night text person, but am dating someone that is and the mismatch got to the point that we had a talk about it. This could take so many forms I literally could not possibly list them all here, but a constant demand for reassurance, dredging up old arguments (aka "kitchen sinking"), or knee-jerk assignment of negative motives without any real evidence of them are all clear signs of someone who has not actually dealt with their emotional baggage. If I'm excited to be with someone and to see them- i let them know! Edit: i just read the part of your post where you said "our relationship should be strong enough to not need reassurance". If you make him feel like a burden for being someone who needs reassurance he’s just going to get worse. I am a seeing them 1- 2x week type of person, and while I wouldn't call someone needy who wanted more face time, I'd certainly start to feel smothered and overwhelmed if it went For background, the reason I talk about this is because I see it very often on social media and through my therapy groups that people constantly talk about how it's okay to need reassurance and that people don't really love you if they won't reassure you, and those who need a break from giving reassurance are cold and again, don't really love you. I like verbal reassurance that I’m wanted/appreciated. And then tell yourself that it’s ok to want and need that, that you deserved it then and you deserve it now, and that you are going to be ok. Reasons You Need Constant Reassurance in A Relationship 1. Get app Get the Reddit app Log In Log in to Reddit. I think you may have a point. All sorts of shit. Move along. And my boyfriend does his best to help me, and I'm sure he will continue. But, hope goes a long way. He has germaphobia, pureO and routines. But healing helped so much, both in needing less reassurance and in learning how to get the reassurance I need in a healthy, constructive way. There’s nothing wrong with needing reassurance. These are the type of questions asked by someone who doesn't take responsibility for their own problems. sekdpgx tcts ohktrito hoyi zlwy pedj yqljj kpjqzyy ulvtu thn